How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
