someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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