i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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