i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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