batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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