I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
