either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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