i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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