Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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