the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
