I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
