I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
