this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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