i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
