he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
