He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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