you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
