Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
