Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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