You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
