i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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