you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
operation have a gay friend backfired
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
