Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
