if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
