mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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