I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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