I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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