how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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