remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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