I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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