He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
