They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
