I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
