Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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