Swine flu. Run for my life!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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