I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
