Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
