so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
