You made me cry and you don't even care
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
