mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
