Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
