Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Green mimosas i think yes
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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