That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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