I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
