I love black thongs
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
