At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i wish my penis had a tongue
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
