Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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