I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
