you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she pinky promised me she was 18
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
