we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
