Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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