after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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