I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
