If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
