I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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